P.I.C. has been a big sweetheart while I’ve been hunting for a job (and hatching my fiendish plot to take over the Internet!), but this sucks.

Yo, employers! Just because I have a degree in robotics does NOT mean I’m overqualified to do whatever job I sent you my resume for, and just because half the businesses I’ve worked for in the past went out of business does not mean that yours will if you hire me.

Yes, I know I don’t have the best resume but I do have a lot of experience in a lot of different fields. The right employer might find someone with my skill set handy. I can toss a pizza, drive a forklift, program a robot, process mortgages, un-jam a copier machine, operate a cherry picker, take the power steering pump out of a Mercedes,…

I’ve been a project manager, pizza driver, industrial maintenance tech, sales & marketing rep., exotic dancer, restaurant manager, loan processor, auto parts runner, waitress, personal assistant,…

I know SEO, SEM, HTML, copywriting, online marketing and how to make websites sell. And I can crank out promotional articles, blog posts, press releases and more like nobody’s business.

I’m good at problem solving, I have an eye for detail, and I’m anal retentive, creative and energetic.

I just need a job. I’ve got an injured cat that needs around $1000 in vet treatment, I haven’t had health insurance in over four years, and while I love P.I.C. to death, this roommate b.s. is getting old.

Oh, and if one more phony “employer” spams me, I’m gonna snap.

Bah-ha-ha-ha!

Setting the bar kinda low, eh?

So, this begs the question: do men prefer ‘clean’ women?

Or did men circa 1971 have different standards for what they wanted in a woman? Hmmm…

So I called my old buddy Roger. He said he likes them clean with a dirty mind. In the course of the phone call, he suggested that it might be that the 300-pound daisy had a clean criminal record, but to me, that didn’t seem fitting for 1971.

I wanted to ask Jason, my boss back when I had a good job, but I lost track of him when he moved to TN right before the GM plant shut down, but I didn’t have to ask. I know what he’d say: “DIRTY!!!!!!”

[A few years ago, one friend of mine said the only thing he was looking for in a woman was a pulse.]

But what about the women I know? Are they ‘clean’ or ‘dirty’? So I called Debbie – single mom, outdoorsy chick, laughed pretty hard, and said she’s 50/50.

I didn’t have to call Roxanne – I know she’d say she’s a dirty girl.

Me? I’m about 40/60 (clean/dirty) or sometimes even 30/70.

Note to self: If I ever decide to do the online dating thing again, must remember to include this in my profile in case it’s an important but overlooked quality men look for in a woman.

If you’re a human looking for a vampire, you can narrow your search down to these age ranges:

18 – 25
26 – 35
36 – 45
46 – 55
56 – 100
101 – 200
201 – 500
500+

I haven’t yet figured out if someone created the site to ride on HBO’s coattails or if it’s a genius marketing ploy crafted by HBO themselves. Hmmm…

After going back and forth and noting that he was starting to look a little riled up after I said “Dubya,” I figured I’d better derail this before he put my bones in strange, painful places, so I said, “I miss Slick Willie. Life was good while he was in office.”

Sending him on a nostalgic little trip down Memory Lane worked like a charm.

Note to self: For strange reasons that I cannot yet explain, these people love ‘Dubya’ so as long as I’m living in Texas, I’d better play nice with them and keep my mouth shut until the ‘Dubya-Trance’ wears off.

But apparently I’m not alone. Click here to read what political commentator and Texas gal Molly Ivins had to say (it’s laugh-out-loud funny). It’s a shame she died in 2007. I would have enjoyed reading her column.

Well, the last paragraph sums it up:

“So this is Texas, folks, created by god 10,000 years ago with all fossils and fossil fuels in place, where black presidents are not allowed to encourage our children, there are two sides to every story, even McCarthyism, Richard Nixon is the man that saved the world, and the bible is a text book, and Fox News is on every TV screen in every airport and public place in the land. I suppose I’m obligated to mention that our governor is aligned with a secessionist group and appears at rallies citing our constitutional right to secede and, oh, I forgot to tell you about how we voted three to one in 2005 to ban gay marriage.”

WTF?? Maybe I should have stayed in Atlanta.

Um… I guess what they teach kids in Georgia, where she grew up, is vastly different from what they teach them in New York, where I grew up.

I tried to tell her she had it backwards but she stuck to her guns and I gave up. After a little Googling, I found a couple sites to back it up, like this one.

[See Chrissy? I told ya so!  ]


And then it finally made sense…

I had wondered why so many people in Georgia had McCain bumper stickers and signs in their front yards last year. Now I know. It’s all the educational system’s fault.

[On a related note: At the time I was excited about the idea of having a woman vice president but then I saw Sarah Palin speak on TV and quickly changed my mind]


I used to think I was a liberal but after seeing this site, I think I’ll switch teams – Go Green Party! 

Um… has she even SEEN “John & Kate + 8″?  And I don’t mean a recent episode but, say, one from a year ago?  I have.

I saw the very first show, a documentary on them, that gave an inside peek into their lives in a house too small for that many people.

They seemed overwhelmed but happy.

Then the show became a regular series and they got to move into a bigger house.

And if you watched the show, as I did occasionally, you also got a glimpse of what it was like living with a controlling, abusive spouse and in each episode, you got the displeasure of witnessing Jon being beaten down more and more.

And then they moved to an even bigger house.  (Wasn’t there another house in between?)

But what does her new million-dollar home really say about Kate?





Maybe she’s not the same woman he married.  Maybe fame and fortune have changed her into what she is now.  Maybe the people who know her best think she’s a raving bitch.  We don’t know.  [But it'll probably be on the cover of 'The Enquirer' any day now]

Look — I was a child of divorce and can say from experience that it would have been better if my parents had split up than seeing the screaming, my mom with a broken nose, the blue lights of the cop car flashing out front…  The kids are probably better off.

I say Jon should live it up.  Hell, if anyone deserves it after all he’s been through, it’s him.

I’ll admit I had no interest in a book on that topic but seeing that video piqued my curiosity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpEnFwiqdx8

[That and it's got a fun background song]

The part where it says the “U.S. Department of Labor estimates today’s learners will have 10 – 14 jobs by the age of 38″ got me thinking and I had to make a list.

I’m 42 (but I don’t look it!) and I’ve had 21 jobs. I did lump some together so if I had to count all of them individually, might be closer to 26 or so.

Hey DOL: stick THAT in your statistics!

Looking at them is like walking through a crowded party and hearing snippets of the conversations as you pass.  It makes no sense.

But alas, since I am one of a handful of people left on the planet who don’t own an iPod (I’m such a rebel! ), and because other online marketers swear by it, I figured I’d better figure it all out [read: jump on the bandwagon].

So Googled “how to use Twitter,” watched a couple videos and read a couple articles but they still didn’t answer all of my questions so I figured I’d better do like I always do – learn the way.

So I joined Twitter yesterday, signed up as a ‘follower’ of a couple interesting people Twitter recommended, like Michael Moore, searched for other people to follow (if you used one of the following in a tweet yesterday: write, writing, sex, online marketing, or various emoticons, I checked you out) and made a couple (weak) tweets.

And suddenly I have three people following me.  One chick’s tweet said she was looking for cute boys to talk to.  I quickly figured out how to block her.

One of the articles I had read suggested using TweetDeck instead of Twitter’s site and when I went to install it on one of my computers, ForceField wouldn’t let me [After catching 3 nasty computer viruses in 5 days, I installed it to keep me safe.  It's like a chastity belt – it does a good job of keeping me out of trouble but it doesn't let me have much fun ] so I had I had to install it on my laptop.

That same article explained what the @,RT and # means, so now that I’m figuring it out, Twitter is interesting (and addictive).  I now have a completely new way to f-off all day and not accomplish anything but watch crazy YouTube videos people linked to, eavesdrop on their conversations, check out pictures they refer to, etc., etc.

So… is this a good thing or a bad thing?  Time will tell.