P.I.C. has been a big sweetheart while I’ve been hunting for a job (and hatching my fiendish plot to take over the Internet!), but this sucks.

Yo, employers! Just because I have a degree in robotics does NOT mean I’m overqualified to do whatever job I sent you my resume for, and just because half the businesses I’ve worked for in the past went out of business does not mean that yours will if you hire me.

Yes, I know I don’t have the best resume but I do have a lot of experience in a lot of different fields. The right employer might find someone with my skill set handy. I can toss a pizza, drive a forklift, program a robot, process mortgages, un-jam a copier machine, operate a cherry picker, take the power steering pump out of a Mercedes,…

I’ve been a project manager, pizza driver, industrial maintenance tech, sales & marketing rep., exotic dancer, restaurant manager, loan processor, auto parts runner, waitress, personal assistant,…

I know SEO, SEM, HTML, copywriting, online marketing and how to make websites sell. And I can crank out promotional articles, blog posts, press releases and more like nobody’s business.

I’m good at problem solving, I have an eye for detail, and I’m anal retentive, creative and energetic.

I just need a job. I’ve got an injured cat that needs around $1000 in vet treatment, I haven’t had health insurance in over four years, and while I love P.I.C. to death, this roommate b.s. is getting old.

Oh, and if one more phony “employer” spams me, I’m gonna snap.